Deep grief for two sweet boxers

[Joan I.]

This is my first time using this forum, or a forum of any kind on the net. I am not sure where this gets posted, but will trust it goes where it should. I was reading the message from "Wolf," but it seems it may have been posted a long time ago, so no doubt your story came to a sad end. I was so sympathetic to read about the "DM" in your boxer. Baylee also had it, and her story was much the same as yours. Today I am writing b/c I am in so much pain over the loss of my second Boxer, Buster, that I can barely stand it. First we had to put Baylee down at the end of Sept, 2003. She spent a year degenerating with DM, and her spirit stayed so bright, even after her legs failed her, that it was excrutiating to make that call to the vet. On the day the vet came, she still dragged herself to her bowl, ate her breakfast, and lay on the deck sunning herself. She looked at me with such innocence laying there with the intravenous in her leg, injection moments away. She just couldn't walk anymore, and I had to do it, but it still haunts me. Then Buster's turn. I have had these 2 dogs for 11 years, (9 for Baylee,) and they were the backbone of my life. They were the ones there for me when I went through my divorce 8 years ago, and it feels like they were a part of my very soul. Especially Buster, who is my "forever" dog. He was my "man," the big strong male, (an unusually huge boxer, purebred, 92 lbs in his prime, even still 85 lbs at his death.) I was Baylee's protector, Buster was mine. He was the guardian of my heart and I feel so lost without him. I don't want to accept he is never coming home. He had a very bad ticker for 2 years, kept under control with meds, and in the end, his heart didn't even kill him. Monday a.m. he starting being distressed, uncomfortable, and having trouble breathing. We took him to the vet, (which I am so sad about because Baylee died at home and I so wanted that for him too...) But when we got there the vet said he had internal bleeding and was in bad shape and then he just started dieing and having a rough time of it so we had to hurry with the needle and then he was gone. I am shocked at the intensity of my missing him, and can't imagine my life without him. Now that they are both gone a chapter of my life is over and the house is so quiet...
How does one get over such a thing? He felt like a person to me, he was such an unusual looking boxer I don't feel I could ever replace him.
What a rambling message, first one I ever posted and I guess I needed to get it out. Thank you to those who have had the patience to read this story, and thank you for your thoughts.
Joni

 

[buddy'smom]

I am deeply sorry for your losses.

How does one get over such a thing? He felt like a person to me, he was such an unusual looking boxer I don't feel I could ever replace him.

Time is what heals, and there is no real measure of time one can go by. One day though, memories will come back, but this time instead of bringing a tear, the memories will bring a smile to your face. I understand your deep feeling of loss, and the close attachment making them seem like a person. I really felt like a piece of me died and went with Buddy the day we had to help him to the Bridge. Maybe it did, but somewhere along the line over the past almost 3 yrs. Buddy has returned some of me back. You won't ever replace him, that special place he held in your heart will always be reserved for him, but one day you will be able to give another piece of your heart to another furbaby if you choose to.

Talking to people will certainly help, but you need to find people who understand the grief of losing a furbaby. If you have no one that can listen then this forum is the place to turn to. Many of us have walked the path you are walking right now, and through our experience(s) we are able to reach out and offer a hand to someone who needs it.

Take care.
Jean

 

[ssleighter]

**Tears** I am so very sorry for your loss!! Godspeed Buster, Baylee is waiting to see you at the Bridge!! What a reunion that will be!

We never truly get over the loss of our dear beloved furbabies, but time will make the memory of this week fade, while the memories of the better times remain in your heart forever!

My thoughts are with you!

Sharon :(

 

[MizBev]

I am so very sorry for your loss. There is not really much any of us can say other than, we understand, we feel your pain and our thoughts and prayers are with you. Nothing but time will make you feel better, but it does get better. When it does, those memories of the good times you had with Buster will be all the more precious.

Please take some comfort in knowing that Buster is a young, pain free dog once again with a strong heart. He is at the Bridge in good company, many of whom left us this year, and he is watching over you.

God Speed, Sweet Buster! Tell all those that have gone before you that we all miss them.

Bev

 

[Barb_IA]

Joni, So sorry to hear of your loss. In time you will feel better.
Hang in there....those of us that have lost a furbaby know how you feel.

Take care, Barb

 

[mobrian]

Joni, I am terribly sorry for your loss. It sounds as though you had a wonderful boxer family. Our time with them is short but they sure do fit alot into it. Time will mend this deep hurt that you are feeling now and soon when you think of Buster and Baylee it will bring a smile to your face once again.

 

[tanya22]

I am so deeply sorry for your loss and glad you found your way here. People at Boxer World are wonderfully warm and understand how your dogs become more than just the family pet.

I too have gone through two losses in a short period of time. I understand how the pain can overwhelm you at times.
Do what is right for you and do not waste your time on self recrimination or doubt.
I handled each situation differently.
When it was time to say goodbye to Jasmine I immediately came home from the vet and totally rearranged the house. All Jasmine's things went either to Good will or the Humane Society. I even painted the guest room where Jazz spent most of her time sunning. The pain was unbearable. Two weeks past and I brought home Ava. 5 1/2 weeks of terror. She by know means replaced Jasmine but she did help pull me through days I would have rather stayed in bed.
Last week Ava died. This time I have been immobilized with grief. Everything is as if we expect her to bound in the back boor. There is still food in her dish. Some days I just get by hour by hour. Some days I don't function at all. Suprisingly I do still enjoy reading the antics of other's loved ones on this forums. Yours has been the first I have been able to respond to.

I just thought it was important you know others understand and are keeping you in their prayers. As trite as it sounds time does help. Also if you feel you can share your love with another lucky dog you should not feel compelled to wait. Do what is right for you.
God Bless.

 

[sashamom]

My heart aches for you and those who have to make very difficult but unselfish choices....I had to put my cat of 9 years to sleep because she had a cancer tumor in her lung and could no longer breathe....the vet encouraged me to make an informed decision but if i chose the path of surgery it was very unlikely even if it was successful that she would live 6 more months....I made the decision to put her down ...mostly based on how miserable she was with iv's and monitors all over her...she was so angry with me and it broke my heart....I will never forget leaving the vet sobbing hysterically and there was not a dry eye in the waiting room or amongst the staff either....I had to take 3 days off from work and i could not even function....it was my first pet and its not something that is ever going to be easy!! Its a hard time, but its something we know is inevitable when we get the puppy kisses and love and i would never trade that experience....as i am sure your good memories are fond and vast!! God speed your broken heart and try to remember wonderful joyous things!!
Sasha and Lisa

 

[Joan I.]

I am still unsure as to my way around this forum, never having done this before. I want to respond to those who have sent me such kind words, and I hope that this message will follow those messages posted to me.
To ssleighter, mizbev, barb-IA, mobrian, sashamom and tanya22: thank you so very much for your caring. I can't believe it, but it has honestly helped me in some way.
Tanya22, my goodness I feel your hurt, how nothing seems the same. When Baylee died, I re-arranged everything in the living room, because I couldn't stand looking at the place where she had laid after being put to sleep. I also, on the recommendation of a friend, did a personal prayer type ceremony, to release Baylee's spirit and try to release some of my suffering. (Not so much to God, but to Baylee herself.) It did help a little at the time.
I know that time is a healer, it is just that when it is still so fresh it feels like time is not yet on your side doesn't it? Tanya22, does it help you to know that here I sit in calgary, alberta, feeling what you feel, feeling the intense connection of what feels as close as a human relationship, now altered forever? It just seems so deeply mystifying to me, how a being can be here by your side one minute, and vanished into thin air the next. I do have strong beliefs in my dog's spirit, I know that the spirit is what makes a being who they are, and that is the level we connect on: on a soul level. I do believe that that spirit energy goes on, but at the moment I still feel deeply attached to that physical side. I want the feel of his fur, and his smell, and his sounds, and everything that goes with being here in the physical. You are very right to just make your way through this one step at a time; I do know that feeling of being immobolized, and I honestly believe that is part of the process we need to go through. All of the feelings are valid, as painful as some may be.

My gosh, the amazing journey we go on when we love a dog! The highest of love and joys, the deepest of sadness and grief. I truly believe that dogs are angels, yes I do, where else can see you see pure unconditional love shining through innocent and caring eyes, day after day after day, non-judgement in it's truest form, and how may human lives have been"saved" by animal friends? In my case, Buster got so deep in, as it sounds like from the others on this site, that I literally feel like I need to re-think my life in order to live it in a different way from here on in.

And here it is now dogs who bring people together, on this site, to show love and compassion for others who are strangers. Isn't that what dogs do? Teach us what pure love is?

As one of you said, God speed my dearest of friends, Buster, on his path to his lieftime friend Baylee. I truly pray and hope that I will see them both again someday, and I pray we are all re-united with those we have lost. What joy will be in that day!

Thank you all for your comforting messages, I will re-read them when I get crazy with the grief, as I know will happen for awhile to come. And tanya22, I hope that knowing that I do understand your time of deep sadness from the place of one who is experiencing it, will help you, the way your message touched me.

Thank you for sharing.

 

[Cindy Creel]

I am crying again, because when someone looses a pet it brings back the pain that I felt when I've lost mine. My heart hurts for the pain and agony that you are going through , and I am truely sorry for that. I have lost 2 boxers and it was not easy. When Duchess died from bloat, I thought I wanted to die too. I did not get out of bed for almost a week. I could not eat and I did not want to see anyone. They thought I was so silly. But until you are loved by a boxer, you just do not understand the love and the bond that these sweet creatures have. I truely feel that God sends his precious animals to those angels that he knows will take care of them and love them to their end and beyond. I know that empty hollow feeling deep inside that you are experiencing. That is grief. I wish that I could say or do something to make it leave, but I can't. I can pray that you will have a peace, and have the spirt of love surround you that can only come from your deep love for these precious creature. We are here for you, because we know what you are going through. It is not easy to go through this alone. We are with you in spirit.

God Bless,
Cindy