big ol' family mess...

[Evie&Adam]

A little while ago, I asked for some suggestions on how to handle a family situation. Here's the old post Things have gotten worse, and I could really use some more ideas...

My 16 yo sister has pretty much moved in with me. She hasn't slept at home for a week now. Tho she has called home every nite to tell mom that she is at my house. Last nite, I sent her home to talk to our mom about some things my sister needed for her dance team. When my sister got to the house, she found that mom has changed the locks on all of the doors!!! To me, that means my sister is not welcome there. (mom did this before with our brother after she threw him out of the house - at age 16 1/2!!)

I've spent the morning -anonymously of course!- on the phone with youth services. They pretty much told me (1) I can send my sister to stay with them and they can help get her the services she needs- like health care or (2) I will have to sue mom for custody of my sister. They also told me to act fast because I am at risk for criminal charges of harboring a run away (she's not exactly- but i could be charged) and also for interferring with mom's parental rights (which I'm trying not to do but heck! what else can i do??). I'm sure that if it gets ugly, mom will seek to have me charged :(

I had a big argument with mom earlier this week- mom stated that she "fully takes care of her family's needs both financially and emotionally." Wrong! My sister gets yelled at constantly when at home, mom wont pay for anything for her (i bought school clothes, school supplies, and even paid $$ for her dance team activies). With my sisters asthma, she has to take extra doses when she's at home cuz of the "not so clean" house conditions and all of mom's pets (my dogs and cats do not aggrevate my sisters allergies unless Adam pins her down with boxer kisses!) During the argument, I really gave my mom a rather large piece of my mind (ok- the peice was gigantic!).

I am more than willing and able to fully take my sister in. I just don't know how to go about proposing taking custody of my sister to my mom. Do you guys have any thoughts??

 

[jray]

Hey Jenny,
I have no experience with this but I would like to say good luck. I would first talk to a lawyer and get everything down about your rights, your sisters, and mothers. It will most likely get ugly and you need to look at what's best for you and your family first. Hang in there.
Jenny

 

[FarleyBoxer]

Jenny,

Perhaps what your sister needs to do is become an emanicipated minor. IIRC, this means she is basically an adult, (and no one can tell her what to do), except she's not of legal adult age. Then, she can freely choose to live with you (or wherever she wants). But certain factors must be satified for the court to grant this.

This comes to light alot of times with celebrity youths whose parents are taking advantage of their wealth (such as Dominique Moceanu, the gymnast).

Here is a link specific to California: http://chhd.csun.edu/shelia/436/lecture0405.html

 

[Coco'smommy]

Jenny....I sure wish I had some words of wisdom for you but I don't. I can see where this is a real uncomfortable situation for you. I think it's great tho that your being responsible and trying to do the right thing by your sis. It wouldn't hurt to talk with an attorney and find out what your options are if you haven't already. Take care and good luck.

 

[Evie&Adam]

update...

since i last posted, my mom called my sister (now, mom called on her own!)telling her that she must decide by this weekend and also telling her what my sisters responsibilities will be should she decide to live with me which include car insurance, health insurance, lack of driver license, attending school and getting a job. Then, five minutes later, mom called back to tell sister that she must be home every nite by 9pm or else and that she no longer had a say in where she lives!!!!

Well, just after my sister called to tell me, my mom logged on to MSN chat so, with my sister on the phone, we kinda prodded a bit.... we will be having breakfast with mom sunday morning. Tho I really dont think mom realizes that we will be discussing where my sister lives, etc. (mom was acting VERY childish- using goofy emoticons and changing topics constantly- talking about different writing formats, dog food, the dog park houres).

I do have a couple of attorney names that I can call monday morning, should we need one.

Wish us luck!!!

Thanks for the comments and support. I really needed it Luvs~

 

[Jaime&Louie]

Hi Jenn!!! Long time no talk! I quit my job so I was not near a computer for a few months. But now I have a new job so I'm back!!! What else would I do at work??

Anyway, I'm so sorry to hear all of this!! I think you're an INCREDIBLE sister and I think that what you're doing for your sister will make a difference in her life in more ways than you even imagine right now. I come from a large family myself, and my sisters have helped me out of a bind more times than I can remember, and I can't tell you how much that means to me. I'm sure your sister will think back on this time in her life forever and admire you for your love and support!!!!

 

[craZ4HERKIE]

Jenny....I am sorry for your family troubles...but it sounds like you are an awesome sister!Were it not for you...where would she turn?And it sounds as if Mom is being a bit immature!I was going to suggest that 'lil sis try to become an emancipated minor also...as someone else suggested.I would definitely speak to a lawyer to see what your rights may be and go forward with trying to get custody.Good Luck with Mom on Monday!Keep us posted!

 

[2BoxersnOhio]

If I'm not mistaken, didn't you say that if your sis became an emmancipated minor (sorry if it's spelled wrong ), that she wouldn't have access to medical insurance and that she needs it?

If that's the case, then you need to sue your mom for custody of your sister. That way she in essence becomes your child and can be placed on your medical insurance (assuming you have it). I would definitely act quickly... like this week!

Good luck to you and hope it turns out well.. keep us posted!

 

[jo.mcqueen]

I'm sorry i do not have any advice - but i hope you manage to get things sorted so your sister can come and stay with you where she will be loved and respected like she deserves....


you are suck a loving person to be willing to take your sister into your home!

 

[Marybeth18]

Jenny,

I hope things went well at your breakfast yesterday. I admire what you are doing for your sister - you and your husband sound like pretty special people.

Keep us up to date -